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I am a mother, a new grandmother, and a teacher. But whatever happens in my life, I keep sewing. I have worked as a political communicator and now as a teacher in my formal life. I have also written extensively on sewing. I have been a frequent contributor and contributing editor of Threads magazine and the Australian magazine Dressmaking with Stitches. My first book Sew.. the garment-making book of knowledge will be published in May 2018 and is available for pre-order from Amazon


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Monday, June 27, 2011

On kids and letting go in general

One of my biggest challenges of being a mother is getting my head around the fact that they grow up and go away. 

Yes. I know I know. 

I do think. I do know that this is natural, important and necessary. Just sometimes I think to myself, you know I was perfectly happy when we all lived here together. More than happy to tell the truth.

So. I know this is the way things should be, but sometimes it has been difficult to be as smart and as cool as I know I should be.

My DC now to be my NYC son has been the test of this. In some ways I know this kid has been on his way to New York his whole life. He is that kind of guy. In fact I can't imagine him living here in this city. I actually can't even picture it.

Of course you don't just have to see kids move on, or move out of your life. This happens to good jobs, maybe your work life entirely, to partners, husbands, friends, your animals, and to places. 

So this is where I have come to be with all of that.

I don't believe, despite the best of advice, in letting go. I don't think you should let things or people you care about go. If they are in your heart, all the time, I think you should let them stay there. 

But what you have to do is let them loose. Loose to go on to their next stages. Loose to keep being who they are.

So where does that leave you when you feel left behind sometimes?

Two places.

The first is you have to keep up with where they are now, make sure your attachment is to the present, not the past, person. I am on my way to NYC as soon as this guy is ready for visitors.

The second thing is to keep doing what you did when you were in that stage of your life. What gave you enjoyment then will still deliver. I remember an elderly lady telling me she still made a decent dinner for herself every night, and planned a menu, even when she didn't have anyone to cook for any more but herself. I know a few women who stop going places when there is no man around anymore. You still are the same you, you still have the same life.

In my case sewing is something I have always done, through all my own stages, through all the times I had to let someone or something loose. That sewing chair is where this person still is and always will be.

Does this make sense?

1 comment:

shams said...

Yes. As a divorced mom since my kids were 4 and 6, and with shared custody, I had to face a version of this early on. I try to find the "up side" of the separation (as in, "I get to have a place to stay when I go fabric shopping in NY!", for example), but it can be hard. I did a fair amount of research into dealing with "empty nest". It sounds like you have the right attitude to weather it. :)