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I am a mother, a new grandmother, and a teacher. But whatever happens in my life, I keep sewing. I have worked as a political communicator and now as a teacher in my formal life. I have also written extensively on sewing. I have been a frequent contributor and contributing editor of Threads magazine and the Australian magazine Dressmaking with Stitches. My first book Sew.. the garment-making book of knowledge will be published in May 2018 and is available for pre-order from Amazon


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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

We all need a laugh tonight

See subject line.

Suffice it to say that work this week has been one thing after another, after another, after another.

But somehow the gods of humour, who usually stand by me pretty good, swooped in and gave me what I need.

How in earth did I miss the new Butterick patterns?

My email is mostly out of control. It seems that a lot of stuff is going into my Spam folder, including the notices from Vogue and co. which I miss, even when I periodically clean out my five hundred spam messages asking me where they should send the million dollars I won, or warning me of the dangers of surgery I never had, and telling me that there are lonely married seniors in my area, not that I believe that for a moment since they all have dogs.

I sometimes wonder what random searches I ever did that has attracted some of this lint.

For example I am on some Google alert about Spam. 

The kind in the can with the aluminum key that breaks off and has that block of jellied pink jelly drop out like a lump onto the plate. 

Personally I haven't eaten the stuff since my grandmother died but Google thinks I do. You know every time you open your gmail you probably have ads across the top about online M.B.A.s

Me I see recipes for Spam. Spam El Fresco (sandwiches presumably for picnics) and even more frighteningly Spam bourguignon, Spam fettucini,  and Spam mousse.

A different recipe everyday. 

I am trying not to take it personally that somewhere the world's largest search engine has decided I am running a low brow operation around here.

You don't think I have been outed by Google Maps do you?

Some random shot of me eating cereal on the front steps (done a lot on my street), blogging in a polar fleece housecoat at 11:00 on a Saturday morning in front of a sink full of dirty dishes.

Anything is possible. There is no privacy anymore.

OK, back on topic.

Well, something came over me tonight,  it was like a little voice in my head was saying:

"Stop with the marking, stop with the marking, go have a look at the Butterick site."

I mean it was eerie how this urge came over me.

Well anyway I opened a new window, one without any student papers on it, and surfed on over.

I was not disappointed.

Some real beauties there:

Can't you just tell from her face what this model  is saying here between clenched teeth. "If you laugh one more time you are dead."  The world's first below the boob flying bow. Words for once, almost fail me. Where was that bow before it dropped? I have seen crocheted dog coats with more class, no insult to dogs or crocheters.
Another nervous model. This little number would make my mother look like a hooker. OK obviously designed for folks whose legs are their only good feature but no way anybody's husband wouldn't say "yeah but where are the pants to that outfit?" This is sort of a pre-wadder, you would know before it got that far.
It takes real skill to made a size zero look like she has a big butt and a big belly but this one manages that. The skirt is in pleatherette BTW in case you missed the point the first time. Even I wouldn't have worn anything like this to a junior high dance which is about the most extreme statement I can make about lack of style since I believe I set new standards for poor taste throughout those years.

A sleeping bag dress. It has to be.
This unit has to convert to something useful. I am willing to lay money that if you undo that zipper and unfold the middle you have a nice little tent that sleeps five.
This dress has to be a disguise of some kind
There you have it. I am all cheered up.

No idea why I am no longer getting notices from the pattern companies when the new patterns come out.


badmomgoodmom said...

In my early 20s, I used to wear voluminous Issey Miyake tops over tight leggings and boots. I thought I looked quite chic, but my husband used to ask, "Are you going out like that or are you going to put on pants first?"

Funny, he never used to complain BEFORE we were married.

annie said...

You photo-shopped all that, right?

Bunny said...

Smiling on and on......

velosewer said...

I think even 99 wouldn't have worn the sleeping bag dress to hid spy gadgets.

marysews said...

All the new Buttericks made me laugh except one, and JoAnn's didn't have any new Buttericks in stock when the sale was on last weekend.

LyndaSewing.blogspot.com said...

Love your comments. You made me laugh out loud and I needed that today!

Lena Merrin said...

Haha, loved it :) But no doubt someone will sew these and then complain :)

Meg @ Mood Fabrics said...

Too funny! I need to take a look at those Butterick patterns now...

debbie said...

OK, I saw the boob bow dress but missed the others.

I think that last dress might not be so bad if it were shortened to the knee or slightly above. Yes? No?

Karen in VA said...

Thank you - after the week I've had so far, I needed the laugh....esp the boob bow dress.....

Anonymous said...

I haven't made noises like this laughing for a VERY long time!!! And ions ago, I always said I laughed my way through high school.

Oh, THANK YOU for your commentary!

I'm another who is heading over to Butterick... for more squeals and belly jiggling!



The Hojnackes said...

Thank you for the laughs! I saw the awful bow dress earlier today and wondered who on earth came up with that bow. I even wondered if it would be passable without said bow... Somehow I missed the rest of these when I was checking out the new Buttericks, though.

KathyS said...

Hilarious, Barbara. You've cheered me up no end, too. They can't possibly be real, can they?

Nancy H said...

Concerning the bow-under-or-on-the-boob-dress......where did they get that wallpaper in the background, a funeral home decorated in the 80's?
You are really funny and wise.
Thank you

Summer Flies said...

You are wicked! The "sleeping bag dress" now that cracks me up! Honestly, these have either no style, no proportion, no balance or all three.... a dress that turns into a tent.. that's very useful!

gwensews said...

Wouldn't you love to meet the designers of these garments? What are they thinking?

Sigrid said...

My son was asking whether I was reading something funny ;), laughing out loud. I'm not sorry I don't get the emails.

a little sewing said...

thanks Barb, hilarious!

a little sewing said...

wow, I just looked at the page. Remember when Tim Gunn got in hot water with sewists everywhere for saying something looked "homesewn" and it was not meant in a complimentary way? This is what he was talking about. Yikes!

carolinascallin said...

Wow...those leave me speechless! Tim Gunn would have a field day with these ridiculous "fashions".

Please - save yourself from ridicule and do NOT sew these up unless you are headed to some sort of costume party!

Disclaimer: The "ho dress" wouldn't be a bad tunic with the hem whacked off at the shortest point and just evened out all the way around. But that's the best I have to say about this mess. The boob bow? Fire that designer - NOW!

RebeccaHoward said...

So funny. Amazing how you can whizz through those patterns and never really stop to look closely. That bow! I honk the uber chunky necklace was put on to try to distract you from really seeing the details. Can't you just see the designer and the stylist arguing it out on the photoshoot? '

Shirley Ann said...

Oh my! This is truly funny. This is why I have gravitated towards Ottobre patterns now. lol

Mary OK said...

Hilarious. I thought all but one of the new Butterick patterns were ghastly. Why didn't the sample makers SAY SOMETHING??

Rose said...

Thanks for the laugh.

Pearl K said...


Head over to Peter's blog at Male Pattern Boldness - he's got a picture of a model wearing a Ralph Lauren patchwork shirt that is just begging for your commentary! :-)

NuJoi said...

I absolutely agree! The boob-bow prom dress is just awful. I've felt the same way about the last two Kwik Sew releases too. They should have remained independent.