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I want to make another pair now exactly as per pattern for comparison. But first I have to get some work done on a Sewaholic Granville shirt and Grainline's Linden sweatshirt.
On a completely different note I have another niece here and she has been comparing various relationship advices from all of us, a family of infinite opinions.
So what makes a good husband/ partner? So far my daughter says you have to be a team, my son that it should feel easy, and me I said if you want a husband you need to marry a husband, which actually disqualifies many prospects.
What would the one piece of life partner advice you would give a young woman theses days?
16 comments:
Partner advice? Make sure you like the person, and the things they do, as much or more than you love the person themself. Having shared values and some shared interests is important too.
What would I tell someone looking for a spouse? Look for what matters to you (honesty, shared interests, kindness, etc.). Don't ignore the negatives that you see or act like they don't matter. Eventually, they will wear you down and ruin your relationship.
I feel very fortunate to have met a man who became my best friend long before either of us decided we wanted to "date" the other. In fact, by the time we realized we wanted to be more than friends, we pretty much knew we wanted to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. There really wasn't much time between the two stages.
It's been a great blessing to have my best friend be my life partner, so I always advise folks to look for someone who can be their best friend. A person who is your best friend will be someone you can laugh and cry with, share your thoughts and cares with, and on and on. All stuff that's needed in a marriage.
Great question!
Your advice was so exactly spot on! Never heard it put like that before but I will never forget it and if anyone asks me for advice I will tell them ' A wise woman once said .....'
Thanks for writing, I'm enjoying your blog :-) my advice would be to find someone who loves you exuberantly, who is as excited about you as you are about them! (This is advice from my wonderful sister in law, which I followed!) My other advice- you should quit a relationship as soon as you know it's not working. There is too little time in this life to waste it on the wrong person, and you won't spare their feelings by drawing it out. Let both of you go find Mr/Miss Right!
If your dog likes your prospective partner (or vice versa), then it's a go. Also, a sense of humor is important.
"...if you want a husband you need to marry a husband..."
SO true!!!!
I would say that love isn't enough. Not the feeling of love. You have to Do. Act. Be.
A partner should be your best friend for life. The early glow really fades away and you have to really like what you have left.
Some of us get that sense early on. My 18 yr old granddaughter, college freshman, dated a boy two or three times. She then announced to her mother that she had moved on b/c he was beginning to annoy her. Then she said "But what do you expect out of an 18 yr old boy?"
Definitely figure out what you value most in people - honesty, reliability, positivity, etc - and do not compromise on those. The best thing that ever happened to me was having a horrible boyfriend for a number of years. It completely cured me of craving 'excitement' and allowed me to fully appreciate and adore my husband, even though he lacks the bad-boy factor.
Someone said to me years ago "If being with them feels like a constant effort, then they are not worth the effort". It is, to this date, the only relationship advice that always proved true for me, so I would be happy to share that.
A partner is someone who you can tell anything, share a laugh, do things together (like change a water heater). Tolerate flaws look at yours instead. If he drops his utensils while eating, or when he wears a dirty hat. Look at the big picture, in the game of life accept and rejoice. Looks are temporary and when its gone you will have each other. Someone you can count on to visit and advocate for you in a time of crisis.
Thanks for sharing
Josie
Along with the excellent advice offered above by your other commenters, let me add this caution: When you marry a person, you marry that person's entire family. If you don't like the family before you are married, you may find that you like it even less after you are tied to it for the rest of your life -- and they feel free to comment upon and interfere in every aspect of your marriage. Or you may be lucky, and end up with a delightful new set of relationships ... better to find out ahead of time. You don't have to marry every person with whom you fall in love.
Much wisdom above! I would only add two observations: 1)problems that appear before marriage do not usually get better, and often become worse. 2)There is a difference between the nicest person you've ever met and the nicest person you ever will meet. Love your blog. Donna
I have the same basic advice for both marriage and child rearing; start as you mean to go on.
You don't want to spend the rest of your relationship hanging out with the extended family? You want to sit and chat with your husband while he's on the computer? Be honest about it; don't tolerate something just because the relationship is new and 'it will be so much easier if I do this thing... I'll just do it for a little while'.
If you don't start as you mean to go on, you end up with either a partner who feels you 'tricked' them, or you're seething because you hate that one thing, but you've already been doing it for so long that you can't stop now.
There's some really good advice here! I agree with LinB about family. I will say respect is important. The kind where you can disagree with being disagreeable. Knowing that the other person has your back. And say you're sorry and say thank you. And mean both of them. Don't stop dating to marry the high school boy/girlfriend. Date a lot of people. Date people you don't think you would marry. You learn about yourself by trying out relationships with other people.
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