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I am a mother, a new grandmother, and a teacher. But whatever happens in my life, I keep sewing. I have worked as a political communicator and now as a teacher in my formal life. I have also written extensively on sewing. I have been a frequent contributor and contributing editor of Threads magazine and I write a monthly humour/sewing column for the Australian magazine Dressmaking with Stitches. My first book Sew.. the garment-making book of knowledge will be published in May 2018 and is available for pre-order from Amazonhttps://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=barbara+emodi&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Abarbara+emodi

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Sunday, June 16, 2013

What will I sew now?

We are home now and doing the long unpack.

After a difficult week my daughter lost the baby. There is no other way to say it. I feel so sad for her, she tries so hard to be good about everything, but this was tough. But she is too. One of my sisters once said that we are the kind that don't fall apart even when we want to. When we want to.

Do you know what I mean?

I think perhaps only women really understand this.

But you know today was a sunny day and she and the little girls came over and they walked around the back yard making grass and stone soup, like kids have done for generations, and made us laugh. 

You just have to trust.

Yesterday morning we went out, she probably should have been resting, and well we brought her a new summer wardrobe. She had different plans for this summer but you know you just have to regroup and feeling better on the outside is a start. 

I know there is a vanity is all the time we spend thinking about what to wear, I know that, but there really is something about new clothes that helps. Of course they don't actually fix anything but they make a difference. 

Maybe it means if you get up and get dressed you are moving forward. I don't know.

I remember my favourite all time movie scene in "Men don't leave" where the father has died and the mother takes to her bed and the kids are sort of panicking. A family friend who was a nurse I think, Joan Cusack who was wonderful, comes in after the mother has been in bed for days or weeks maybe and the kids are living off cereal or something, and Joan Cusack, picks the mother up out of that bed (Joan Cusack looks pretty strong) and throws the mother who is screaming and swearing at her into a shower, and says enough, you get dressed.

Getting dressed, and dressed up, means something.

I remember too that when my mother, who was an only child, lost both her parents the year she was sixteen, she went to live with an aunt and uncle. She always remembers the summer she was sixteen as the summer all the aunts sewed for her, making her a new wardrobe, and they put a red rinse in her hair too.

She can still tell you what those outfits looked like.

And for me when everyone went home tonight I went into my sewing room and spent a little time refolding some of my fabric thinking what I should sew next.

I really need to sew.

37 comments:

gwensews said...

I imagine what meant the most was that mom and dad were there for her, comforting her, doing whatever they could do to ease the pain. Even buying new clothes for her.

Corinne said...

What a painful loss. As the parent you absorb the pain as well. We have lost 3 and the only course is to move on. New clothes do help, symbolically if nothing else. To sew, knit or crochet is a therapy that the sewist knows well. Best to you and yours.

Lucille said...

Yes, you need to sew.I think it will help. New clothes will help you both. These little things help, a little bit at a time. And that's all you can ask.

KayoticSewing said...

Hugs to your daughter and you and your family!

Jodie said...

My sympathies and thoughts to you both. You are right about picking up and getting dressed....my Mom did exactly that for me when I lost mine at 16 weeks....a spa day and a shopping spree. Made me look forward and to think about what I had and not what I had lost.
Still it's tough - but as you say, so are we as women.
Best,
Jodie

SEWN said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. Sew away!

The Hojnackes said...

Such a difficult loss. My sympathies. New clothes help on the outside, for sure, and that makes a difference.

Margy said...

So so sorry for you all...my thoughts are with you.

Lyndle said...

My deepest and most heartfelt sympathies to you all.
The day might be coming when your daughter can fall apart, and I know you'll be there then too. Be gentle on yourselves. I find the meditative and creative aspects of sewing helpful in sadness, though starting new projects can be a bit much sometimes. Thinking of you

Mary said...

Barbara, I'm so sorry. Please share a hug withyour daughter for me, and know that your family is in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing such deep memories here on your blog. You will be a source of strength to your daughter in the coming months.

Cate said...

I am so sorry for you all. Life can be so terribly hard at times. Planning for the future and making a happy present are what get us through.

wendy said...

So very sad and may I just say that your writing is beautiful.

Karin said...

I wish your daughter better. I little distraction and indulgence to vanity is a good place to start.

Linda said...

So sorry for your daughter's loss. We all say from time to time that sewing is good therapy; I think that it will be in this case also. Sewing therapy works for a lot of reasons. Cyber hug from me to you!

Judith said...

You are just the best Mum to your daughter! I am so sorry to hear about her loss...J

Mary said...

My eyes welled up as I read your post. My daughter's long-awaited first pregnancy ended in miscarriage last fall. Then it turned out it was a Molar pregnancy. Months of blood tests followed to ensure it had not turned cancerous and then a waiting period before she may try again. She has been so courageous, so gracious in her loss while all around her many friends have become pregnant. And if she sometimes needs to excuse herself for a quick cry alone in the bathroom during a baby shower, she always returns with a smile and happiness for her friend. Yes, I agree with you. Women like our daughters don't fall apart...even when they want to. Blessings on your daughter. And you--it is so very hard to see our children suffer.

Carolyn (cmarie12) said...

Having been there with a daughter of my own, I understand some of the hurt and anguish you are both experiencing. A long time ago, when I was going through something I had a friend who told me, "to just keep putting one step in front of the other and you will eventually move past the problem." I've held onto those words and used them many times to see myself through a difficult situation. I'm thinking that new clothes falls under that theory. You and your daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers.

coco said...

My deepest sympathies to you all. My thoughts are with you.

Anna Christina said...

I am so sorry for the struggle you are facing. What a wonderful family you have! You probably don't realize how sharing your thoughts in a post like this is a blessing for others. I have been thinking about my sewing as I deal with issues in my own life lately. I have spent a lot of time telling myself that it should not be a priority and that it is probably selfish to spend time sewing. That was definitely not productive since it gives me a reason to feel happy. We all need something to which we look forward and feel passionate.

LyndaSewing.blogspot.com said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. So sorry for your loss. It sounds like she's got a wonderful support system, and having the little ones with her will help a lot. It's hard to grieve when you have other wonderful children trying to make you feel better, as well as a wonderful set of parents.
New clothing, being around family, and sharing food and love will help.
Best to you both!

LinB said...

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. Good to know that you have each other to lean on, as you grieve.

Anonymous said...

So sorry Barbara. Words never seem enough.

Hugs
Donna

Diana said...

So sad. I'm so sorry. My daughter-in-law lost a baby two years ago and it took her a long time to come to terms with it. I wish I had thought to make her a few things. Maybe it would have helped.

Judi Pinkham said...

You are a wonderful mom!

a little sewing said...

I am so sorry for your daughter's loss and it is heart-warming to read about the care and tenderness you and your family are sharing.
hugs.

Pattyskypants said...

Iknow. xxoo

ACorgiHouse said...

I am so sorry for your families' loss. Yes, in sad times of my life, just going through the motions of "normal" helped me walk through the bad days. Your daughter is so lucky that her parents can and will run to stand in support with her. Go sit at your machine and it will probably tell you what to sew. K

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your family's loss - backyard soup, sewing and being there are all good supports. Will be holding a good thought for all of you.

Ceci

Angela said...

I am sad for your family, please take time to grieve. But you are right, the daily round of duties along with a little needle therapy will be a comfort, along with the antics of the little grand girls.

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Bunny said...

I am so sorry to hear of this tragic loss. My sympathies for all of you. Sewing will distract the heart.

Rebecca Clayton said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

KellysUp to Something said...

I am sorry. Just sew something. Doesn't matter what it is. Just sew.

KellysUp to Something said...

I am so sorry. Sew something. It does not matter what it is, Just sew.

Cleverclogs said...

So very sorry for your daughter, and for you as you deal with the pain of not being able to make her hurt better simply with a bandaid and a cuddle. I hope the rhythm of stitching helps you and I know you will help her. Best wishes.

Andrea said...

Barbara, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Your daughter is so fortunate to have you, such a wonderful mom.